Cute Animals that will F You Up!

A recent slew of cute and fuzzies attacking humans means you should beware! Buy some awesomeness for yourself! Our Sources: .


  1. 6 Adorable Animals that can F*ck you up:
    1. Koala Bears (still bears)
    2. Panda Bears (again this is still a bear)
    3. Kangaroos (winnie the pooh lied to you get over it)
    4. Slow Loris (its that thing with the thin arms and the big adorable
    eyes…and is one of the few mammels that can create a toxin….that it
    then licks onto its fur…. and if you et it you could die
    from anaphylactic shock….but its freaking adorable)
    5. Giants Ant Eater (believe it or not it has long sharp claws that can rip
    you open in one swipe….and yes i find them adorable because of their long
    6. ….WOMEN!!!! (these creatures prey on man and often seek to tame them,
    when angered they will throw anything that is near them in the direction of
    what they are angry at. They can also be unpredictable and may destroy you
    emotionally rather than physically. Be weary because They also fight in
    packs…..But Dammit I love em.)

  2. dolphins will F***ING RAPE YOU thats right they have been known to rape
    humans and its not just cause they want to try and mate cause dolphins are
    1 of many animals knows to bowchickabowwow for fun and pleasure thats right
    they enjoy raping humans …………. i do not trust those damn bottle
    noses no more

  3. There was this animal way back in the days that was on a 10 year killing
    spree I believe from 1935 to 1945, it was reported this monster of an
    animal was responsible for killing 50 000 000 million people. It took the
    whole world to stop this beast, but it was never found, I think they called
    that animal Adolf Hitler.

  4. I hate cars with a passion, except when they’re kittens, then they’re fine.
    And I wouldn’t mind death by red pandas, it’d be so cute and fluffy, like
    dying by teddy bears, awwwwwweeee :)

  5. I wonder what happens if I say PITBULLS!!!! PITBULLS ARE UGLY

  6. I’d be okey with dying to a Growlithe. It not being real doesn’t matter
    because it is a FIRE BREATHING DOG!! Cutest tucker around, but FIRE!!!

  7. to be honest i think animals should be allowed to attack the dumbest
    species, man. survival of the fittest! 

  8. I have a friend who’s family raised exotic birds when he was a boy. He said
    that swans are very territorial, and that they will do a sort of wing
    flapping attack where they come in at you with both wings at the same time,
    like scissors. This attack can be strong enough to break your freaking LEG!

  9. Okay, to be fair, that boy was most likely in the otters territory, and
    otters are well known for being aggressive. Ever gitten bitten by a giant
    otter? I have and they fucking dig into your flesh. That boy is lucky he
    ain’t dead.

  10. I would like to warn people about human babies. They may look cute, but
    you’ll make your life a living hell. You’ve all heard of stories that a
    baby killed someone with a gun, yeah, you may be next.

  11. cats!!! even if you aren’t a cat person you know cats can be one of the
    most adorable things on the planet, but a combination of generally thinking
    they own you, often being very anti social (not wanting to be held) and the
    fact they have crap on there claws most of the time, can cause some pretty
    bad scratches that often get infected

  12. All very interesting but slightly biased as you missed the most deadliest
    efficient killer this planet has ever seen, Humans!

  13. First of all. Anyone who thinks swans, geese, etc aren’t evil is a complete
    dunce and deserves anything that happens to them. Second of all. 95+% of
    otters don’t act like that unless you provoke the holy living shit out of
    them. That otter either has something wrong with it, or there’s a side to
    the story Trish is missing. Thirdly. Monkeys in general are assholes. Where
    do you think humans got it from? All in the genes… Fourth. Dingos are
    just like wolves and they will fuck you up like a hunter fucks up a deer,
    but more painfully and with more teeth. If you try to pet a wild dingo
    you’re an idiot. In fact… most of this can just be boiled down to “Trisha
    explains why wild animals are wild, not pets”. Which should be obvious.

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